just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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