She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I need to calm my uterus...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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