Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
