You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
