We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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