i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Girls should come with a carfax report
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
