It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
