I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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