she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
