Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im six kinds of drunk right now
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
