if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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