just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
