headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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