That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
