You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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