we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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