All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
