My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
