I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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