Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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