i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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