Banned from zoo.
Again?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
