so explain again why im purple
no
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
