Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
