The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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