The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.