how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
