No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
