dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
