I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."