and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Drunk is not a location!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet