I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sponge bath it is.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
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Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
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Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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