Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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