so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I could make wine with my vomit
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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