if i can run in heels then i can drive
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
