If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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