Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
