I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
