well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
