I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We got so high we made milksteak
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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