Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
