Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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