he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
