Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
