Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
