so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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