Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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