Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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