IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
