You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
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some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
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We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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