this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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