A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
