Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
