ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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