I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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