My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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