Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
