Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
