Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
