how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
