i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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