i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize