On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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