Swine flu. Run for my life!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
