Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
