taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Alive.
So much puke
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
