if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
