Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
