They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
