I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
