when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
