Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
