i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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