you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
