btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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